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Grief OF A Daughter

It’s true what they say, “you will only know sweetness when you’ve tasted bitterness”. Light and darkness co-exist the same way life and death do. In reality, there is no forever, only a lifetime. Grief can change a daughter permanently.

I never take a peek at the person inside the coffin because it haunts me in my dreams. One day I just found myself walking down the aisle going straight to a coffin. I was nervous but I found the courage in me to take a look at the person in the coffin. It was papa. I looked at him and told myself “Looks the same, except not moving”. I thought I will never cry because I hated him so much for many years.

One morning I received a call from my cousin asking me not to go to work and go straight to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, doctors were trying to revive him for the “nth” time but to no avail. He died. My sister fainted. My mother staring blankly, shocked. I was crying profusely. Before he died that day, my mom told me he was looking for me. He wants to talk to me. And I asked mom “why? Mother said, “he just wants to talk. He had always been checking up on you. He worries about you. Somehow he is afraid of you because he feels guilty of everything so he just decides to ignore the situation”

I never knew how much my father loved me until that day. Every good thing about my father suddenly sprung into my thoughts–the memories and his sacrifices for us. He left us his life savings and insurances. I realized that he had this money, time, and energy yet he deprived himself of all the goodness of life for the sake of us.

We stayed strong as a family. I became stronger as an individual. Life goes one anyway. I would like to believe that I’m a better person now.  My grief as a daughter may have changed me but it also help me grow.

Life Lessons I Learned:
  • death is natural and inevitable. Secure your family’s welfare. There is no way to emotionally prepare you for the death of a loved one but you can prepare financially.
  • Get health plans because people usually get seriously sick before they die. It’s expensive so you should prepare.
  • love and forgive. Let your life revolved around the people that matter to you. I love my mom and I cherish her life more than ever now. Ever since then, I have vowed to make sure that we get to spend family summer bonding and make sure mom gets better birthday celebrations.
  • life is short and there is so much to life than what I have been settling to for. Explore, dream again, love again, hopes again, trust again. Spend time on the things that make you feel better and make you become a better individual. Have faith in what God has planned for you.
  • Take care of your health and be thankful to God that He has not taken you yet. Now, I eat vegetables and take vitamins.  Health is always more important than money.