Shallow. That’s how I feel now. I haven’t been sleeping enough lately. My mind is bombarded with academic, occupational, and personal matters. Well, I wouldn’t say it’s serious but it keeps my mind occupied even at 12 midnight.
It’s now 12mn Philippine standard time yet here I am feeling profound. Again. Normally, I just browse the net to divert my crazy thoughts but today, it’s different. What triggered me to write today? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I have deprived myself of chocolate for 2 weeks. I got my lab results revealing a high sugar level. I’d like to believe that I am still sane at this very moment. Whatever linguistic error I commit in writing this, my apologies—I’m a blogger, not a journalist.
I think love is chocolate and chocolate is love. Why? Chocolate is very addictive like love. Sometimes it’s not good for you but you still crave it. Which one is better, chocolates, or love? Chocolate releases a happy hormone called endorphin. Chocolate never made me cry. Love, on the other hand, releases four, not one or two but four happy hormones! If so, how come it made me cry several times already? It seems more like sad hormones to me. That’s a joke. I’m laughing now.
I’ve decided to write a letter addressed to the cracked human chemicals in my body or whatever is left of it. This letter is for the hormones responsible for that “in love” feeling. This is an open letter to my happy hormones. Wherever they may be, I hope they can read.
Dear Happy Hormones
I’d like to tell you that I missed you. My body misses you. Have you permanently abandoned me or were you just on vacation? How are you? I hope you’re all ecstatic to hear from me. There’s something fueling my brain, igniting the fire running through my fingers, rhythmically dancing over the keyboard. What I feel is a weird combination of profoundness, sleepiness, and hyper-acidity. Which deviant hormone is responsible for this? Tell me. Tell me how to annihilate it.
Hi Endorphin, my constant friend. You’re always there for me through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. You take the pain and sadness away. You’re that delectable chocolate I eat every time I’m out of vigor. You are that avocado ice cream I crave every time I feel melancholic. You’re my favorite sweet and spicy smoked-fish-sardines-in-olive-oil that makes me want to eat a whole casserole of rice. Yeah. I know. I’m hungry. I just ate my second dinner.
So, serotonin, Google said that it’s you who boost my social mood eh? So you’re the one who keeps me up on wee hours chatting on five group chats all at the same time. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I’ve got eyebags and pimple breakouts because of you. Can you at least tame down when the clock hits 12? Anyway, I’d like to thank you for keeping up with me. I used to be extremely introverted, reserved, snob but you emerge whenever I need you. Now, you emerge even if I’m being “too sociable”. You’re the reason for my relentless social powers – confidence and patience. Nevertheless, serotonin is dependent on endorphin. For that, I will give you 8 out of 10 happy points! Congratulations serotonin!
So dopamine, are you a bit jealous of endorphin? Nobody seems to acknowledge you. You’re supposed to be in charge of my pleasure from achievements. You were there at school when I joined several drawing and painting contest. I win every time. Have I felt you lately? Was that you? I thought it was that sneakers bar I ate. I’ve been a loser for quite some time. Thanks to endorphin, I can still laugh about it. If I finish this letter, If I finish all my errands, If I finally passed the exam and interview, If I hit my quota, I will kiss you. French! For now, I will give you a considerable 6 out of 10. You need more practice. Nope. I swear I’m not being biased with endorphins.
Last but not least (drumrolls), oxytocin. Hi stranger. We’ve met a few times but those few times were the most precious. You’re those words profusely flowing from the tips of my fingers electrifying this bright screen in front of me. I don’t know where you are now. Are you ever coming back? I missed the excitement. I missed those surreal moments. Though you create poetry and music from words, I’m not buying you on sale. You have that lethal effect on me. There was I time that I wished we never met. Maybe I just hated those people who keep on bombarding me with “when are you getting married?”. One day, our stars will collide again and It’s going to be something out-of-this-universe story. I just hope that when that time comes, I’ll still be able to recognize you.
No matter what rating I give you, you know that I never would have survived and enjoyed this life without the four of you. You are the nourishment of my heart. You are my happy hormones. We are inseparable.
Lovelots,
Maro Belle
